The Tripod

On Saturday of Spring Weekend, I walked out of Jarvis C and onto the quad. I was shocked to see that, at only 12 in the afternoon, two-hundred bros and wanna-be-bros were already posted up and taking in the rays. Walking onto the grass, I was enveloped by my surroundings. To my left was a drunken freshman, sitting on the ground and holding his foot, squeeling at his friend: "My foot, Jake! There's freakin' glass in my foot, man!" To my right some kid was funneling coffee. Not alcohol, but coffee. "It burns…so much! But it feels unbelievable!" And straight ahead, some bro-j-simpsons in "Achieve Lacrosse" pinnies were playing dizzy bat and yelling at an admissions tour passing by. "This is what we do EVERY DAY!" His brosephs cackled like crazed hyenas. "EXTREME!"

A friend from Tufts was visiting for the weekend. He strolled up to me on the quad and said something along the lines of: "you know…this isn't the real world. For starters, there are no ugly people here. And secondly, you guys party harder than any other school I've been to. This place isn't real." After my friend (we'll call him Bob Sacamano) gave this candid remark, I felt cold and ashamed. I realized that I had lost touch with reality after spending three years at Trinity. I decided to embark on a journey of discovery, to unveil exactly what was occurring beyond Broad, Summit, New Britain and Allen.

I looked to the news networks such as CNN and MSNBC for answers. But what I found was pretty surprising. Nothing really had occurred since 2006, aside from a black president taking office, some huge financial meltdown, and an outbreak of something called "swine flu." Tiny changes. The only real historic movement that I had missed was the emergence and widespread utilization of something called "Twitter."

On all the networks now, anchors pose questions like "What are your feelings about so-and-so?" and the show's viewers "Tweet" on how they feel. Anyone who has a Twitter account can let the world know what he or she is doing at all moments of the day (whether it be sleeping, taking a shower, or preparing ramen noodles). For example, Rick Sanchez, host of "CNN Newsroom" (Twitter name: ricksanchezcnn) wrote on April 25, 7:57 a.m.: "Saw Frost/Nixon last night. Wow. Brilliant." Thank god for that Rick Sanchez. You go Rick Sanchez.

Twitter is basically just a mini blog about whatever one wants. Being free and all, it has been growing in popularity at a rapid rate. Ashton Kutcher recently had a contest with CNN's own man-lizard Larry King, to see who could get one million "followers" the fastest. Kutcher obviously won. Winning this little contest, he donated a thousand mosquito nets to Africa to fight malaria. Way to go, Kelso.

The more and more I think about Twitter, the more and more I grow infuriated. This is why: About 10 years ago, iTunes Connect emerged (where anyone in your wireless zone could listen to your music for free) and I thought, "Damn. What an invasion of privacy. Now people can see that I've purchased a Madonna album. How embarrassing." But I shrugged this off. Then Facebook emerged, and the Internet got even more creepy (after getting poked a thousand times from your 16 year-old sister's friend, you begin to feel a little violated). Now we have Twitter, which is basically a rip-off of Facebook's "Status Update" (the addition to the Web site that everyone originally abhorred). "JOHN IS just finished my essay!!!" Oh thank goodness. John finished his paper. Let's hope his grammar in the piece wasn't as atrocious as that status update. Let's hope you spell-checked, John. Idiot.

Meghan Daum of the Chicago Tribune wrote on April 21: "the Age of Oversharing is upon us, and those of us who lack enthusiasm for minutiae are in a distinct minority." It's not that I dislike Twitter because I simply lack enthusiasm for the "minutiae." Maybe I do want to know that Michael DiPietro is feeling sick after eating some tuna-melts. What I am most angry about (and I'm taking it out on Twitter…sorry Twitter) is that these Web sites are robbing solid, personal relationships of their meaningful, good qualities of old.

Twenty years ago, you'd call someone to let him or her know something … a hundred years ago, you'd write someone a letter. Now, in 2009, you simply micro-blog on the Web to let your wife know you fed the dog.

Whatever, times change I guess. Tell me how you feel about my article by friending me on Facebook or following me on Twitter. Twitter.com/mcconaugheycompletesme.

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