The Tripod

As we approach the end of this mercilessly busy (for me) semester, I have realized my own mortality as a college student. I don't mean to worry any seniors who are dreading May 17, but I figured it was time to make a bucket list (things to do before I graduate). Cross them off as you go:

1)Gin bucket: I've never had one of these, and, to be honest, I don't even know what goes into one. All I know is I've heard lots of crazy stories about them, often concluding with …

2)Spending a night in jail: Now, I'm sure my parents are cringing as they read this, but I feel like a night in the slammer might teach me a lot about my own mental toughness, my ability to appear mentally tough, and my affinity for people who see right through my feigned mental toughness. If nothing else, it might help me achieve …

3)An unexpected sexual encounter: No, this doesn't have to happen the way in which it does in prison. All I'm saying is, I want to wake up some morning and say to myself, "Wow, I can't believe I [yadda, yadda, yadda] and then both of them [etc. etc.] while I [cough, cough, ahem] until the peanut butter was all gone and my ShamWow was soaked through." After that I could …

4)Take a real walk of shame: When I say real, I mean dressed in a ridiculous costume from a theme party the night before, without shoes, while it's snowing, past a large tour group. At least if it was snowing, I would get a chance to …

5)Sled from the chapel all the way to the soccer field: I've gone sledding (Mather traying, to be precise), but never managed the full trip. If the snow is too heavy for good sledding I could at least …

6) Throw a snowball at an administrator: I know, this sounds like I'm asking for expulsion, but hear me out. When you throw a snowball at someone, you're not maliciously trying to hurt them. Hitting someone with a snowball is a way of inviting them to join you in the merriment of a snowball fight. And, just in case the administrator I choose doesn't have a sense of humor, I can make my escape by …

7)Climbing to the top of the chapel: I've seen it done and it's time for me to experience the best view in Hartford (not like there's a ton of competition). Perhaps I might climb up there for a good view of …

8)Senior Brunch: I'm one of those kids who says he's not going to do it, but the day of, after too many mimosas, I'll probably change my tune (outfit). If you don't know what I'm talking about, ask an upperclassman. Because this is a tradition, it's probably not enough to …

9)Become a YouTube phenomenon: This doesn't have to happen while I'm in college, I just figured I have more time and fewer negative ramifications if I get it out of the way now. This is also a very functional item for the style in which I am writing this article. For example, becoming a YouTube phenomenon could happen in innumerable ways, like …

10)Breaking the law with a professor: Attention: This is an open invitation to the faculty. It doesn't have to be over the top, let me know if you've got any ideas. Here's one …

11)Break into the community service office and eat all the food in the Thanksgiving baskets that go to local Hartford residents. Just kidding, I have a soul. An aside: anyone wishing to donate money or food to the cause can bring donations to the Community Service Office no later than Friday, Nov. 19 or contact TrinAces@gmail.com.

12)Get bribed into shamelessly plugging a community service event for a friend: Yeah, what of it? It's for a good cause. I guess the only way to regain my credibility would be to …

13)Ghost ride the whip down Vernon Street: If done a certain way, I could knock out numbers two, nine and 10. For all of you who don't know what ghost riding means (read: people over 30), YouTube it. You're welcome/sorry for wasting 10 minutes of your life. While ghost riding one's whip, there must be music blasting. My car would of course be playing Ray Lavender's "My Girl Gotta Girlfriend" but the catch is, it will be an a cappella version after I …

14)Convince an a cappella group to sing Ray Lavender's "My Girl Gotta Girlfriend": Listen up Accidentals and Pipes. You are the only two groups that I would entrust with such a task. Step your game up and make me proud. If we somehow collaborate, I guarantee we can cross off number nine. This is also the easiest way to …

15)Become legend: Splat, toe-sucker, those guys that dropped the cigarette machine off the top of High-Rise, Good Ole' Tom, the guys who reconstructed the president's (not J.J.) car on top of the chapel, brew shampoo, the kid who dressed the bishop in a dress/toga the night before graduation. Oh wait, that last one hasn't happened … yet. One way NOT to become legend (terrible segue I know) is to …

16)Keep pants on for the entirety of Spring Weekend: Doesn't sound too difficult does it? If you agree, you haven't experienced Spring Weekend. Maybe if I hung out at a different scene it would be easier. Perhaps I should …

17)Go to a Cleo party: For no discernable reason, I never have. And I mean this in only the most complimentary sense, but I get the feeling that if I hung out there more, I would get myself closer to crossing off number three. I would probably also have to be in quite an altered state. So, I guess I would have to …

18)Drink two gin buckets: Aaaaand, GO!

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