The Tripod

Issue date: 5/1/07 Section: Arts

Media Credit: www.imdb.com

With the exception of one movie on this list, every entry is a sequel or an adaptation. This is unsurprising, considering Hollywood’s accused lack of new ideas and reliance on old ideas. As long as the movies being produced are still of high quality, I do not see the problem. The real magic is in the effects, the acting, and the cinematography. Stop complaining, everyone, Hollywood isn’t copping out, or being unoriginal. They are only sticking to a formula that works.

Spiderman 3: Spiderman was a huge success, groundbreaking in the comic book-movie genre, and its success inspired a wide variety of other comic book movies, some successful (Fantastic Four), others really bad (The Hulk, Daredevil). However amazing the original was, Spiderman 2 was even better. Spiderman 3, with its principles intact, Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and James Franco, and with a bunch of newcomers, Topher Grace as Venom and Thomas Haden Church as Sandman, could work off the base of Spidey 2 and trump all others, perhaps becoming the best comic book movie in history.

Shrek the Third: Shrek won the inaugural Oscar for Best Animated Feature, and Shrek 2 is the highest grossing comedy ever. Shrek the Third is due to follow suit. Shrek, Fiona, Donkey, and Puss in Boots are all back, searching for an heir to the throne, so that the married couple can return to life in the swamp. Their best option? Fiona’s cousin Arthur, voiced by Justin Timberlake. Also, be on the lookout for a Shrek baby, as Fiona finds herself pregnant. I’m most excited for this one because we will get the chance to see Timberlake and former long term girlfriend Cameron Diaz, the voice of Fiona, forced to interact at press events for the release. Awkwardness? Yes, please.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End: With the cliff-hanger ending of Dead Man’s Chest, the world has been waiting to see what will become of Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), who was last seen fighting a monstrous Kraken to death. Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (the beautiful Keira Knightley) travel with another character thought to be dead, Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) to Singapore to find a map that will lead them to “World’s End,” where they can rescue Jack. As I was one of the few of my friends to thoroughly enjoy Pirates 2, I can’t wait for this trilogy’s final installment. Sure to be action-packed with amazing graphics, I am especially excited to see Bill Nighy as Davy Jones again. Sure to get the most buzz, though, is should-be-dead Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards as Sparrow’s father. 

Ocean’s Thirteen: Another sequel to Ocean’s 11, itself a remake? Really? I suppose we cannot tire of seeing beautiful people in hair-brained robbery situations. But without Julia Roberts or Catherine Zeta-Jones in this installment, I’m skeptical. Al Pacino stars as a wealthy hotel that the Ocean’s gang is seeking revenge on. Does the feasibility of the plot in a movie like this really matter? No. It’s just for fun. And it likely will be.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: Let’s be honest here, a lot of the people seeing this movie will be looking for Jessica Alba in a skin tight costume. Laurence Fishbourne, Morpheus from the Matrix trilogy, appears as the voice of the Silver Surfer, in what looks to be spectacular graphics work. FX Network stars Michael Chiklis (“The Shield”) and Julian McMahon (“Nip/Tuck”) also reprise their roles in the sequel. Honestly, though? Not too excited.

Live Free or Die Hard: Best. Title. Ever. When I first heard what this third sequel to Die Hard was being called, I thought it was a joke. Bruce Willis is back as John McLane, now working for the Department of Homeland Security. Also starring Justin Long, the “Mac” guy from the Apple commercials, the movie will have sophisticated criminals, McLane caught in the middle of action, probably a lot of guns, cars, crashes etc. Standard action movie, but better.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: As soon as I hear the first few notes of John Williams’ score from the first Harry Potter movie, which has been used in each sequel, I get excited. I won’t bother going over plot; read the book. The trailers that have been released are awe-inducing, and I cannot wait to see Harry and company invade the Ministry of Magic and fight the Death Eaters. Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge looks terrifying, as does Helena Bonham-Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange. Likely the best in the series thus far.

Shortcut to Happiness: A modern-day adaptation of “The Devil and Daniel Webster,” this movie has been in post-production hell since 2001, and is finally being released this summer. Directed by and starring Alec Baldwin as an unlucky, unsuccessful writer who sells his soul to the Devil (Jennifer Love Hewitt) and has to get it back in court with the help of his publisher, Daniel Webster, played by Anthony Hopkins. That the film took so long to come out worries me, as it could likely be awful. But that it is getting this release finally says a lot about it as well, as it could have been indefinitely shelved. Also starring Dan Aykroyd, Kim Cattrall, and Amy Poehler.

Hairspray: A film adaptation of the Broadway musical that in turn was based on another film. With John Travolta headlining as a woman and a strong supporting cast that includes Michelle Pfeiffer, Jerry Stiller, Queen Latifah, Christopher Walken, and High School Musical teen starlet Zac Efron, Hairspray looks to be very enjoyable. The only musical offering on this list, I look forward to it most for the cringing after effect of seeing crazy Scientologist Travolta making a fool of himself.

The Simpsons Movie: The label of “America’s favorite family” has been used obnoxiously in the past, from the family in Are We There Yet? to the little people family on TLC’s “Little People, Big World.” This title, though, belongs to the Simpsons. On television since 1987, the Simpson family is the epitome of American culture. In production hell since the early seasons of the show, it will finally come out this July. Expect a feature-length episode in keeping with the series’ best.

Mr. Bean’s Holiday: The second film based on the “Mr. Bean” television series, this one looks to be much better than 1997’s Bean, and Rowan Atkinson will likely be silent throughout this movie, as in the show. British humour will almost always trump American, and this should be no exception. “Mr. Bean” was a favorite of my PBS viewing, along with “Fawlty Towers” and “Are You Being Served?” and after the 1997 disappointment, this should be exciting.

Summer movies are always spectacles, ever since Jaws premiered in 1975. This summer looks to be one of the biggest, most money-making, and most entertaining summers in history for movies. Get out your wallets and be prepared to spend a lot of time in dark, air conditioned theaters. Shell out ten bucks for milk duds, sit back, and enjoy.

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