The Tripod

10. Tinkerbell: This little fairy is a backstabbing biatch. Disney may have given us unrealistic expectations about love, but at least they warned us about treacherous trashy bimbos.

9. Prince Philip: This so-called Prince Charming is a narcophiliac. She may be your true love, but it's still a big no-no to cop a feel off a sleeping chick.

8. Jasmine: This sultry seductress spawned an entire generation of scantily-clad skanks. The next time you see such a pack of loose lucies, you can have Disney to thank for that.

7. Pinocchio: This "hard as wood" stud is a prolific liar. Sweet talking your way into a bigger package may win you a few points, but when it outlasts its usefulness you're left with nothing.

6. John Smith: This strapping Englishman is guilty of robbing the cradle. It's bad enough you're committing mass genocide, but is it necessary to literally "take" their children as well?

5. Alice: This na've schoolgirl scarfed down the 'shrooms one too many times. It's still in poor taste to write off your latest "trip" as a dream. Face it, you have a problem.

4. Snow White: This sing-song siren is far too greedy, snatching up not one, but seven, little bofos. Honey, you need a new mantra. Something along the lines of "quality over quantity."

3. Ariel: This seemingly innocent little mermaid is quite the rebel, prancing all over the ocean and land in just a seashell bikini while Daddy stews and stresses at home.

2. Mulan: While The Tripod has no problem with this warrior princess's cross-dressing preferences, we do feel that when you start using cross-dressing to seduce unwitting young men, you've crossed some serious lines.

1. Belle: This coy bookworm is insatiable. No longer satisfied with her dad's "inventions," she needed something with a little more thrusting power. It takes a beast to satisfy another kind of beast.

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